Separation & Solitude

Tell me, where would you go after a separation? bed for a week? straight to the bar? your friend’s house??? I choose to leave on a flight to Bermuda to stay with my parents to escape and to avoid my one year anniversary!

It was the best decision I made, following the leave of my husband!

Time for me to reflect on the bombshell I just dropped and to have the classic “me time”. Solitary confinement was all I needed and for two weeks I got just that.

My anniversary, well I spent it with my cousin and new people I met on a boat in the middle of the atlantic ocean, with about five hundred other boats and thousands of people partying all day. I don’t particularly like the sea, if I can’t see whats around my feet I’m not happy, but did I care? did I hell! I couldn’t have spent the day better than I did. Yes, I had some moments “this time last year I was walking down the aisle” “we would have been having our first dance” but right there in that moment I couldn’t have been happier.

Sand and Solitude        

I believe it’s natural to reflect on your actions, it makes you grow and develop as a person and I did just that. Hours laying on the beach documenting my thoughts and learning more about myself and where I went wrong in my marriage.

I wanted to be free, the free spirit that I was before I “became one” within my marriage. Many people lose sight of who they are as a person, as a wife or husband and as a lover. Insecurities creep out, sex becomes less and communication stops. This can all be prevented if you truly love one another and you’re willing to work at it which most people I find don’t. They end up resenting one another and continue in an unhappy marriage. I say do something about it!

If you’ve read my previous blogs you will have seen it was my choice to leave my husband because, as sad as it was, I fell out of love and I wasn’t prepared to go through counselling and all the rest of it because it was salvageable.

I remember crying on my sisters shoulder saying “I just want to love him”

Going to Bermuda, I learnt and clarified a few things:-

-you can’t make yourself love someone (even if you have before)

-you need to learn to be happy with yourself, flaws & all & you should never take on someone else’s insecurities or let them reflect them on to you

-and last but not least to never depend on someone or something external to you as a necessary condition for your happiness

S & S



Is there ever a right time to leave the one you love?

If you’re in an unhappy relationship or marriage do you stay? Do you stay because of your kids? Do you stay because you cannot muster up the courage to leave? you don’t want to hurt him/her? what is your reason?

My reason was because I fell out of love so I left, I didn’t want to stay in an unhappy marriage. I said fuck it (like the book f**k it) and left because I was miserable. Marriage was not for me or I married the wrong man I’m still trying to work that one out!!

I never had much faith in marriage as I came from a broken family and this stuck with me from the age of 10 when I heard my dad say the words ” I no longer love your mum and I am leaving”  At that moment I hated him for ruining our family, however years later when you grow up, gain a personality and have a better understanding of life, hate becomes a strong word and you realise people do things for good reasons. I don’t hate my dad and I never did, I just held him responsible for breaking up a happy home with clarity as to why.

I felt exactly the same as he did. trapped in a loveless marriage (on my side) wanting different things from life and for me an age gap of ten years that did prove to be a problem. We all have our reasons! I thought I had seen the world by 22 years old and was ready to settle with a strong Yorkshireman I loved and adored but I was wrong.

Falling out of love with someone happens (in some cases) as easy as it was to fall in love in the first place. Numerous things caused me to fall out of love but I did something about it!

Do you stay, put in the commitment, have marriage counselling, have kids and carry on? Or do you admit to yourself you are unhappy, not willing to work at it anymore because you plain and simply do not love him anymore!

I choose the latter, because for the first time in my life I thought and went with my heart and not my head! I have always been pragmatic and I told myself numerous times “you have only just got married, work at it” marriage is bloody hard work and its about trust, loyalty, compromise and communication amongst other things but that was not what my heart was telling me to do.

My heart told me to leave, live my life and find happiness. All we want is be happy right?

I strongly believe whether or not your 28 or 48, kids or no kids, you need to follow your heart!

Ask yourself are you happy?

Do you really want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness? putting up with their insecurities? Continue dealing with day-to-day arguments and confrontations? Treading eggshells? Receiving the wrath or your partners temper? Being controlled? Compromising your life? I think the answer would be no!!

Whatever it may be that is restricting you to live your life and be happy………In the good and true words of Major Lazer GET FREE!

What have you got to lose? Ok so your questioning, who gets the house? who gets the dog? where would I live? Child support? what would my parents think? what would my friends think?

If these questions are going through your head you are simply being weak and putting up barriers to not leave! You are not been true to yourself! You are making excuses which are standing in the way of your happiness.

We only have one life, so make the most of every day. Don’t live in the past, don’t plan the future live for now and today, as tomorrow may never come.

Yes it may be hell in the process, as I soon discovered. I did not get to leave unscathed!  Like me you may end up with no friends, no house, no dog and not a penny to your name but the day I left I knew I had made the right decision and started my new life from the moment I left with my clothes some cd’s, a cushion and some bedding. I was happy with that because I knew the pain I was causing both of us was finally over (well almost) unfortunately weather or not your marriage ends civil or a disaster you’re going to have to be strong to put up with the shit that follows. This is all temporary. Everything is in life. But you will get where you want to be……….eventually after crying a lot, possibly drinking and smoking the world, dipping in and out of depression through lack of food and going through months of seeing divorce papers flying through your letterbox.

As I said before, you will not leave unscathed, so be prepared for that, be strong, stick with your decision and never look back, move forward and progress as a person……………

But, I can categorically say the grass is greener…………… just need to water it with love

Is escaping the answer?

18 months after I left my husband I find myself sharing a room with two girls and a guy in France doing a ski season! I packed two bags and off I went!

A bold move? An escape? A change of scenery you may ask? well I guess it’s a combination of them all, you can’t run away from any problems that is for sure and I certainly wasn’t trying to!

I needed a change of scenery and to meet new people and I’m as bold and fiery as they come! I grew a massive pair of balls the day I left my husband and got my personality back from what was a shrinking violet in the making. Never again will I let a man control me or be responsible for someone else’s happiness! It’s a cliché line but you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else and be in love! If not it’s a disaster waiting to happen. A disaster which I have experienced numerous times, but never again.

It really is true when people say “have some you time, think about what you want” I’ve learnt so much about myself and can admit when I’m being stubborn, defensive, jealous, self-righteous and for the first time in 28 years I think before I speak because karma is a fucking bitch! I’m a firm believer in Laws of Attraction, you should educate yourself and be aware

I’ve been here for 4 weeks and learnt nothing new about myself so far that I didn’t know already, although it has confirmed I am really private and would rather not wake up in a concrete single bed with a girl if I reach far enough I can touch!

That’s a minimal complaint for where I actually am and what I get to see everyday. Beautiful mountains in the swiss/french alps, fresh air, great skiing, the people and best of all apres ski. I have had moments when I wish I was at home with my best mate drinking cups of tea chatting about our spiritual paths and where we are going to end up next. But I took the bold move and ended up here and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.

Escaping for 6 months upon reflection was the best thing I could have done and all I want to do now is plan my next move.

So if you find yourself with little mates, no job, no house and nothing to keep you where you are, grow those balls and make a bold move, you do actually come to realise you have absolutely nothing to lose and it just adds to your life and a new story to tell.