Tell me, where would you go after a separation? bed for a week? straight to the bar? your friend’s house??? I choose to leave on a flight to Bermuda to stay with my parents to escape and to avoid my one year anniversary!
It was the best decision I made, following the leave of my husband!
Time for me to reflect on the bombshell I just dropped and to have the classic “me time”. Solitary confinement was all I needed and for two weeks I got just that.
My anniversary, well I spent it with my cousin and new people I met on a boat in the middle of the atlantic ocean, with about five hundred other boats and thousands of people partying all day. I don’t particularly like the sea, if I can’t see whats around my feet I’m not happy, but did I care? did I hell! I couldn’t have spent the day better than I did. Yes, I had some moments “this time last year I was walking down the aisle” “we would have been having our first dance” but right there in that moment I couldn’t have been happier.
I believe it’s natural to reflect on your actions, it makes you grow and develop as a person and I did just that. Hours laying on the beach documenting my thoughts and learning more about myself and where I went wrong in my marriage.
I wanted to be free, the free spirit that I was before I “became one” within my marriage. Many people lose sight of who they are as a person, as a wife or husband and as a lover. Insecurities creep out, sex becomes less and communication stops. This can all be prevented if you truly love one another and you’re willing to work at it which most people I find don’t. They end up resenting one another and continue in an unhappy marriage. I say do something about it!
If you’ve read my previous blogs you will have seen it was my choice to leave my husband because, as sad as it was, I fell out of love and I wasn’t prepared to go through counselling and all the rest of it because it was salvageable.
I remember crying on my sisters shoulder saying “I just want to love him”
Going to Bermuda, I learnt and clarified a few things:-
-you can’t make yourself love someone (even if you have before)
-you need to learn to be happy with yourself, flaws & all & you should never take on someone else’s insecurities or let them reflect them on to you
-and last but not least to never depend on someone or something external to you as a necessary condition for your happiness
S & S