Dating After Divorce

The latest reports from the Office of National Statistics shows us 42% of Britons file for divorce. Like most life experiences, they can happen unexpectedly and we are not always mentally and emotionally prepared for what is to come. Some of us, like myself, have a relatively easy divorce, your decree absolute is through the door within a year and your only arguing over the white goods. However thousands of pounds later after numerous court visits battling children, houses and cars is somewhat exhausting and distressing.

No divorce is simple unless you’re Britney Spears and it’s annulled  in seventy-two hours.

Every divorce is different, however it is what you choose to do afterwards that really matters.

After all the anger, hatred and bitterness has been laid to rest, you start the process of emergence into the next cycle of your life. It requires you to adjust your thinking about yourself and others and to shed a layer of your ego-filled defenses and to let go of anything that stops you being less than who you are. It’s time to explore. It’s time to meet people. It’s time to go out and finally start having some fun.

Start by brushing up on your social skills. If you have been married for a long time, interacting with new people and dating again may seem daunting at first. Joining social networking and online dating sites can be great first place to start. It gives you the opportunity to make new friends and to get dates. Seeing if you share similar views and interests with someone first gives you great grounds for a first date, you will feel more confident and have plenty to talk about.

Plan a few nights out with your friends and stick to them. It gives you something to look forward to and get excited about. At this stage you need all the help and support you can get so you need to stay active within your social circle.

Go get a haircut! You’re not trying to be someone you’re not here, yes, if your daring go for the chop, but a simple cut and even colour can make you feel more confident, polished and ready to go. You will automatically radiate when you feel good about yourself. Same goes for make-up. If your stuck in a rut with the same old blue eyeshadow or pink lipstick go to a make-up counter and ask for looks to suit you and tutorials on how to apply it. You’ve worked on your inner self, it’s time to work on your appearance. The same goes for your wardrobe. Buy a few key items that you can mix up for drinks after work with the girls and for that all important first day. First impressions really do count.

When you finally get your chance and you’re making your way to your first date, remember this……………….. keep conversations light and friendly. Do not discuss your previous partners, painful divorce, religion or politics. These are not subjects your date will be interested in hearing.

And last but not least do not sleep with your date on the first night, this is just as bad as falling in love after twenty minutes and trying to make it marriage number two!





Dating Site, Dating Shite

OK, so we’re all looking for love aren’t we? Everyone at some point wants to experience love, however after numerous failed dates, nights out and blind dates set up by our friends, we start to believe he/she is no longer out there. Or we have loved and lost so in a bid to find it again, yes, you guessed it, we head to our computers and search for love online. Now there are many reasons people join the world of online dating, to actually find love, constraints in everyday life for example work and kids, for curiosity, desperation, or simply just for some instant self-gratification. After all, numerous profile views, being people’s favourite and receiving messages from strangers does give us an ego boost and lets not forget, hope that there’s someone out there.

“Online dating has become one of the best ways to meet someone and statistics show that one in five relationships in the UK now start on the internet with over 15 million of us being single in the UK alone.” I’m not sure what to think of this, as well as scrolling for our grocery’s online where scrolling pages for our next love? Are we consumed with the internet and lost sight of human interaction? Or is this just a great way to find our next partner? I joined a popular dating site to find out for myself!

Women inevitably get inundated with messages. I messaged a few girls (research purposes only) to see what they had experienced on the site and I hate to say it but it seems like we are in a sea of men who don’t know how to approach women. Now I believe most of what they and I received would not come out of a mans mouth if you had met them in a bar. After I joined I received forty-seven views in the space of Twenty minutes, Eighteen messages and seven people favoured me. I received messages what made my mouth drop wide open, some which made me cry with laughter and “Aaahhhh” like I’d seen a new-born baby!! I wouldn’t class “I’d smash your back doors right open” and “Do you like anal” as the best conversation starter. Seriously how do you respond to that? Oh dear and No?! This is where you separate the time wasters to someone who puts effort into a message and is taking it serious. My profile clearly states “I don’t need a man I need a champion” and do not message me saying “Hi/Hey/Hello it’s boring I won’t respond” (look where that got me)!

Men clearly lack the ability to spell and communicate on this site. “Hey up gawjus u luk like ma kinda gurl how u doin? U look like a girl I cud knwo and I’d like swap my numbere if interested we could conversation later?” I could go on…………. This made me question his “bachelor degree”!!!

Half of the people I have conversed with are illiterate, boring or rude. They don’t ask me any questions or appear like they want to get to know me at all.  I have tried to be polite as possible and reply to every single person as I don’t want to come across as rude, but I’ve started to lose the will to live talking to mundane men and my rudest point was telling someone to google what esoteric meant as I simply wasn’t in the mood to explain it and when a guy turned around and said “I’m in loveeeeeeee” I responded with “what, your eyebrows?”(I could never date a man more groomed than me)

So, just when I go to hit the “Delete Profile” button on my account,  a few pleasant messages from men I actually find attractive and have a personality pop up to my surprise. Ok one wasn’t but his message was ten out of ten for effort “Oh come on, please respond, I’d walk across the dry desert with only Vanessa feltz cleavage sweat for water and asparagus for food (and I hate asparagus) to get a date with you” How can you not laugh or respond to that? Various others included “look no further your champion is here” “why are you single” “Can I walk you down the isle” “I may be no champion but I won champion cuddler of the year” and some eager enough to hand out there  phone number on the first message.

I’m not sure online dating is for me, it has been an experience but I would like to find love the old-fashioned way, when I least expect it. I prefer scrolling my rightmove app than scrolling for a man, it made me feel desperate to which I am far from and not ready to find love, however a bit of an ego boost never goes a miss

My conclusion is this, I know I still have it, I need to write a blog for men on “how to approach a women online”, beware of catfish (one guy I spoke to had pulled his image off google) and I’ll let you all know if I’m still alive after my date………………………………………