Unemployed, Yet Employable

As you open your eyes and roll out of bed unmotivated on a monday morning realising you’re not in a nine to five stuck in traffic, but you are stuck in the que of the jobcentre around midday, you begin to tell yourself “this is all temporary”.

As you wait in line, to then be passed onto the next body who tells you to take a seat until your name is called, members of staff mixed with too many “security” attendants who just loiter, walk around the building like “they have oil wells pumping in their living rooms”. Multi Colored post it notes, forms and filing trays fill up desks with wallflower yet robotic women sat behind them talking to you, a bit like a she’s been programmed by the government. No one wants to actually be there (and those who do I fail to comment) we all want to work and earn money (the majority) but it’s a painful experience when you’ve never really not worked and have more transferable skills than the person actually interviewing you.

How the government expect you to live off £68 a week is beyond me, I would imagine most people are left with around £8 after feeding their drug habit that leaves you with enough for maybe a trip to Greggs and a tram fare! It’s life lessons in itself being unemployed and learning to budget, I couldn’t begin to imagine what I would do being on £1500 a month again. Well actually I do, I’d pay my rent and all my bills, and I’d be left with about £200 if I was lucky with no chance of bettering my skills as I’d have no money or time to study. I’d be paying for my dentist trips and prescriptions amongst the other annoyances that so happily jump up and bite you in the arse. However, sometimes you reach a point in life where you need those things and the jobcentre happens to be the place where you can get it. They can actually help you pay for courses and put you onto people who can help you find a house to which then pay your rent and bills! They offer you minimal weekly money but they can give you the opportunity to better your career. I can also see why people lack the motivation to ever want to work again. Sat in their home, claiming their benefits, free dentist trips and meal coupons not taking advantage of some of the actual things that would help them get a job.

But that is no life, no real life anyway. These things are temporary, a stepping stone, back into better employment and getting a better life for yourself. Over 1.1 million of us are unemployed now in the UK, think how hard it must be for some of those people who have not worked for such a long time to want to go back to work. I think there becomes a point when you lack motivation and aspiration to want to work so I could imagine it would be very easy to get stuck in a depressive unemployed bubble.

This is not any kind of life to sit at home, watch Jeremy Kyle, eat a sandwich and nap. You may be thinking I couldn’t think of anything better, working your 70 hour week, but trust me I have qualifications coming out my arse, I’m not stupid, I’m just bored and unemployed………….yet employable!




Separation & Solitude

Tell me, where would you go after a separation? bed for a week? straight to the bar? your friend’s house??? I choose to leave on a flight to Bermuda to stay with my parents to escape and to avoid my one year anniversary!

It was the best decision I made, following the leave of my husband!

Time for me to reflect on the bombshell I just dropped and to have the classic “me time”. Solitary confinement was all I needed and for two weeks I got just that.

My anniversary, well I spent it with my cousin and new people I met on a boat in the middle of the atlantic ocean, with about five hundred other boats and thousands of people partying all day. I don’t particularly like the sea, if I can’t see whats around my feet I’m not happy, but did I care? did I hell! I couldn’t have spent the day better than I did. Yes, I had some moments “this time last year I was walking down the aisle” “we would have been having our first dance” but right there in that moment I couldn’t have been happier.

Sand and Solitude        

I believe it’s natural to reflect on your actions, it makes you grow and develop as a person and I did just that. Hours laying on the beach documenting my thoughts and learning more about myself and where I went wrong in my marriage.

I wanted to be free, the free spirit that I was before I “became one” within my marriage. Many people lose sight of who they are as a person, as a wife or husband and as a lover. Insecurities creep out, sex becomes less and communication stops. This can all be prevented if you truly love one another and you’re willing to work at it which most people I find don’t. They end up resenting one another and continue in an unhappy marriage. I say do something about it!

If you’ve read my previous blogs you will have seen it was my choice to leave my husband because, as sad as it was, I fell out of love and I wasn’t prepared to go through counselling and all the rest of it because it was salvageable.

I remember crying on my sisters shoulder saying “I just want to love him”

Going to Bermuda, I learnt and clarified a few things:-

-you can’t make yourself love someone (even if you have before)

-you need to learn to be happy with yourself, flaws & all & you should never take on someone else’s insecurities or let them reflect them on to you

-and last but not least to never depend on someone or something external to you as a necessary condition for your happiness

S & S