Bitches Be-Have Don’t Hate

You walk into a bar with your group of girlfriends and apart from heading to the bar, what is the first thing you do? You Hate! You turn to your friend and say “Look at her hair” “Looks at her dress she looks like a slut” “OMG check her brows, and that make-up”

What is wrong with women? Insecure? Envious? or just plain bitchy?

I saw this the other day on Instagram and think it speaks volumes……………….

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We’re threatened by other women, lets face it, therefore we think its appropriate to slate one another. One factor is insecurity, I used to do the same I’ll be honest, now I wouldn’t dream of it! I’m the girl in the toilet who asks you who does your hair, or where your shoes are from, not cussing them out! Lets be honest, it’s cruel and damn right hateful. Kamarang will come straight back at you, test it! The next time you say something nasty about someone take note of what comes back! A drink will get spilled on you when your out, or you will feel the wrath of another girl chatting shit about you…………..it’s not nice is it?

The amount of times I’ve stuck up for my sister or my friends because another women has spoken bad of her hair or dress (when really its bloody fabulous) I cannot count on one hand!!

As the picture states, we should be empowering one another and not being so envious. We are all different, we should embrace that, thin, curvy, blonde, red-head, natural make-up, lots of make-up, whatever it may be we have no right to talk bad about other women.

Another factor is we’re just jealous and envious. We can’t handle the fact she is wearing louboutin’s and we are wearing topshop, she is wearing topshop, we are wearing primark. You get where I’m coming from! We are who we are and if you are wearing primark what the hell is wrong with that? Shame on you if you think “everything” that is what she can afford she’s out with her friends having a good time for gods sake don’t make fun of her shoes. Life is not about luxury and material items it’s about being you and being happy (whatever you are wearing)

Ask yourself why are you jealous of someone else? What are you not happy with?

You should never strive to be someone else, I have learnt this myself. I look at people’s instagrams with their amazing non freckly skin, high cheekbones, big breasts, great eyebrows and hair, why can we not be happy with who we are? I think it’s about being comfortable in your own skin and making the best of what you have! I’m learning to embrace my little actress tits, my roman nose and my wonky brows. My good friend once told me “brows are meant to be sisters and not twins”, I am happy I can get away with never having to wear a bra, and christ, if I changed my nose known my luck I’d end up like Jennifer Grey did (dirty dancing) and be unrecognisable to my family and friends. I don’t need bigger breasts or a straighter nose I am who I am and I am happy with that. Can you say the same? In my opinion people who are constantly changing the way they look and enhancing their lips, breasts, whatever, are not happy with themselves and they are weak. It’s an outlet, as is smoking and drugs. We don’t need to do it! I used to constantly change my hair colour, style you name it because I wanted to appeal interesting and quirky, was scared my partner would look elsewhere or I wasn’t “ontrend”. Looking back this screams insecurity and weakness.

We are strong females who are all fabulous in our own right. The last thing we need to do is start slating one another for what is potentially right or wrong in fashion, hair and make-up. Look for the positives in one another. I used to work for a make-up brand and it may sound cheesy but one of our tag lines was “Look for what you like” It’s amazing when you stop someone and say “Wow where is your jacket from” “What nice glasses you have” I once said to a lady who visited my counter “your hair is to die for”, you know what she turned around and said “really? my friend just said I looked awful today and was ashamed to leave the house with me” I was truly disgusted. She was delighted I paid her a compliment and I wasn’t making it up! Compliments really go far! You actually go back to your friends and tell them the nice things that got said to you, it gives you the confidence boost we sometimes need to make us feel better about who we are!

Ok, so your having a down day and all the problems that are happening at home, or with your partner are truly getting you down. That one comment could just send you over the edge. Think about that the next time your out and about and you start talking nasty (god forbid she hears you) think about how that person would feel! You have no right to comment on someone else’s downfalls and you’ve just sent the poor girl into the well of despair! Well done!

We are who we are regardless of our wardrobe, you need to look inside you and be happy, flaws and all.

In the words of TLC

“You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty,
I’ll make you feel unpretty too”

You have no right to make anyone else feel shit about themselves, next time, think about it!

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My “Mr Big” Journey

I was 18 when I met my Mr Big.

It was love at first sight. He had so much charisma, charm and energy and I revelled in it. He was perfect. He was the most beautiful man I’d laid my eyes on.

Luckily for me he felt the same but as well as me, he was laying his eyes on everyone else. He was 25 at the time and was young and frivolous, we both were, which was totally acceptable but somehow made me feel inadequate when we only spent weekends together. My heart pined for him all week and I was satisfied, once again when saturday night came.

He taught me things I’d never experienced before. He influenced me musically like no one else ever did. He is, to this day still responsible for my music collection and I was in awe of his creativity and passion. Our sex was out of this world and it got better and better and better as the weekends went on!

So what happened you’re probably thinking?

Well the weekends got more frequent , then they got less when he constantly used to back off whenever things started looking that bit more serious! we were young after all.

I persisted with him for three years on and off  I tried to find other men to distract me but it was never the same. I always ended up back with him. His friends warned me off him but I wouldn’t listen and I finally got to a point when I said enough was enough, he was sleeping with other people and I couldn’t handle it. I wanted him more than he wanted me, I was in love with him he wasn’t in love with me. So I eventually gave up and moved on! My heart was broken ten fold and I moved away to try to forget about him and live my life. But when you have a connection so strong with someone, I don’t think it ever goes away.

However we were young, I never expected a ring, just monogamy but this was unrealistic. I was never enough for him.

So what happened in between? Years past and we distanced ourselves from each other, I think he did start to fall for me when I grew up and finally moved on, but then he did too! We both met and fell in love with other people.

Until recently when we both became single again and yes, the spark was still there. At a friend’s wedding I caught him staring at a women in the way he did me and it made me and it made me jealous I thought there he goes again, same old Mr Big trying to sleep with any attractive girl who came his way. But I didn’t let this stop me from having another look inside the door! He did leave with me that night after all.

I had him on a pedestal yet again, wanting him and being fully there, available stood in front of him wanting to be loved…………..again

But nothing happened, it wasn’t quite the same, I did have my guard up because I couldn’t possibly fall for this guy yet again to only be let down.

A few months past and I couldn’t quite shake my feelings and emotions so I confronted him yet again, what did I possibly have to lose but a bit more dignity after all these years! He said “The one thing I love about you is you accept me for who I am” which I always did, but he had unfinished business with his ex so yet again I was “on his list” but not a priority.

This was just over a year ago and I have finally left it there. We did speak about the “what if’s” and “never say never” and I still believe he may have feelings for me today.

I think he now realises I could have been the one, but I got away. He had his chances and now I feel like I’m stood on the shore watching his boat sail away.

I still think “what if” now and I’m sure he does too but would it really ever work? would I ever be enough for him? I don’t think I would and I don’t think he would be enough for me now I’ve grown up and realised what I want from life.

I gave my Mr Big 10 years on and off. I was there in love with him, waiting for him to say those three words back but they never came and he never wanted me like I did him.

You remember that scene in Sex and the city where he drives off after pulling up outside the church? Realises what he’s doing and turns back around? My guy never turned around in the end.

I never got get my “Carrie Bradshaw” ending but I did gain a best friend and one I’ll have forever.

xx

Peter Pan generation

We’re living in a valley of thirty something guys (and girls) who are trying to the stretch the boundaries of adulthood for as long as possible. It’s like we’re living in a playground and don’t want to grow up to and face the responsibilities life now has to throw at us! We are living in the Peter Pan generation!

How many of you are stuck in Neverland? Avoiding mortgages, marriage and children?

I think I can categorically say I am, after getting divorced, selling my house and going back to playing Wendy, with Michael and Peter flying through the window to have some fun in never-never land! Now I’m not saying never-never again, but for now, can we say we are truly happy avoiding settling down and not following in the guided footsteps of our parents?

I think we can! We’re in a different generation to them. We are programmed to find love, find a house, get married, have children and live happily ever after, but really, we are happy to not grow up any time soon. We flit from job to job, person to person and avoid any kind of commitment and responsibility. Are we basically saying fuck it to what should be? or is the society we live in making this almost impossible for us? Honestly how many of you can afford a deposit for house, let alone put a full tank of petrol in your car?

Statistics show women are putting off having children until mid to late 30’s, men are lacking the will to commit, and lets face it, us women are setting bad standards by giving in to one night stands so men think its acceptable to roll that way with the next women they meet! Lets face it we’re to busy getting laid, spending our money on holidays, clothes and going out every weekend than opening a savings account at halifax let alone thinking about a pension with prudential!

Our parents and grandparents would have knocked out all their children by now and be looking to move to a bigger house or build an extension and all we’re building is spliffs!

Women were taught to love, get married and have kids why don’t men get taught the same?? Years ago things were different they couldn’t wait to get married because when they did, they finally got to have sex! Now it’s hard for us to stay monogamous or in a marriage for that matter, take me for example I was married 11 months! Our eyes wander, we feel restricted, trapped and we fall out of love as quick as we fell in and into the arms of the next person with no real commitment.

When will we finally take our green hat and tights off and stop flying about our with friends? When we are forty and alone and still renting? When we’re bankrupt from all the partying and holidays? Or when we realise we have no real career and not achieved our goals?

Is it time to grow the fuck up?!!!

Back in the Game

So as the saying goes “To get over someone, get under someone else”

How do we all feel about this? Is sex the answer to a break up? Do we need to feel the weight of a man? Do we need to feel something we were lacking in our last relationship?

The answer is YES!! Of course we do, we all need sex and if you’re lucky he may spoon you after but lets be honest it makes us feel alive, sexy, and wanted again!!! (Even if you can’t really recall his name in the morning) thats what being single and having fun is all about!

I think the worse thing to do is to go straight into your next relationship. Moving from one person to another is not the one! It shows weakness, neediness and the lack of ability to enjoy your own company!  Having you time and some freedom to do whatever the hell you want is key here.

We need to get back out there and let some gorgeous man show us what we’ve been missing! Lacking confidence? Insecure? No man finds this attractive! So whoever put you down before, shake that shit off because you are fabulous and even though you may still be wiping your tears away, those will pass and when they do, you’ll know you’re ready!

Someone will love your small breasts, love that jelly butt and those curves, not tell us we need to lose weight! And if a man put you down in the first place he definitely wasn’t worth keeping!

Love yourself, your body and how you look, that will project out and men will come running (and some even crawl back out the wood work from years ago) because that one time when a gorgeous man walks by you and he’s looking at you (yes you, don’t look behind you like I did) you’ll realise you are hot, you still have it and you’re ready to be back in the game!

xx

Separation & Solitude

Tell me, where would you go after a separation? bed for a week? straight to the bar? your friend’s house??? I choose to leave on a flight to Bermuda to stay with my parents to escape and to avoid my one year anniversary!

It was the best decision I made, following the leave of my husband!

Time for me to reflect on the bombshell I just dropped and to have the classic “me time”. Solitary confinement was all I needed and for two weeks I got just that.

My anniversary, well I spent it with my cousin and new people I met on a boat in the middle of the atlantic ocean, with about five hundred other boats and thousands of people partying all day. I don’t particularly like the sea, if I can’t see whats around my feet I’m not happy, but did I care? did I hell! I couldn’t have spent the day better than I did. Yes, I had some moments “this time last year I was walking down the aisle” “we would have been having our first dance” but right there in that moment I couldn’t have been happier.

Sand and Solitude        

I believe it’s natural to reflect on your actions, it makes you grow and develop as a person and I did just that. Hours laying on the beach documenting my thoughts and learning more about myself and where I went wrong in my marriage.

I wanted to be free, the free spirit that I was before I “became one” within my marriage. Many people lose sight of who they are as a person, as a wife or husband and as a lover. Insecurities creep out, sex becomes less and communication stops. This can all be prevented if you truly love one another and you’re willing to work at it which most people I find don’t. They end up resenting one another and continue in an unhappy marriage. I say do something about it!

If you’ve read my previous blogs you will have seen it was my choice to leave my husband because, as sad as it was, I fell out of love and I wasn’t prepared to go through counselling and all the rest of it because it was salvageable.

I remember crying on my sisters shoulder saying “I just want to love him”

Going to Bermuda, I learnt and clarified a few things:-

-you can’t make yourself love someone (even if you have before)

-you need to learn to be happy with yourself, flaws & all & you should never take on someone else’s insecurities or let them reflect them on to you

-and last but not least to never depend on someone or something external to you as a necessary condition for your happiness

S & S

xx

Is there ever a right time to leave the one you love?

If you’re in an unhappy relationship or marriage do you stay? Do you stay because of your kids? Do you stay because you cannot muster up the courage to leave? you don’t want to hurt him/her? what is your reason?

My reason was because I fell out of love so I left, I didn’t want to stay in an unhappy marriage. I said fuck it (like the book f**k it) and left because I was miserable. Marriage was not for me or I married the wrong man I’m still trying to work that one out!!

I never had much faith in marriage as I came from a broken family and this stuck with me from the age of 10 when I heard my dad say the words ” I no longer love your mum and I am leaving”  At that moment I hated him for ruining our family, however years later when you grow up, gain a personality and have a better understanding of life, hate becomes a strong word and you realise people do things for good reasons. I don’t hate my dad and I never did, I just held him responsible for breaking up a happy home with clarity as to why.

I felt exactly the same as he did. trapped in a loveless marriage (on my side) wanting different things from life and for me an age gap of ten years that did prove to be a problem. We all have our reasons! I thought I had seen the world by 22 years old and was ready to settle with a strong Yorkshireman I loved and adored but I was wrong.

Falling out of love with someone happens (in some cases) as easy as it was to fall in love in the first place. Numerous things caused me to fall out of love but I did something about it!

Do you stay, put in the commitment, have marriage counselling, have kids and carry on? Or do you admit to yourself you are unhappy, not willing to work at it anymore because you plain and simply do not love him anymore!

I choose the latter, because for the first time in my life I thought and went with my heart and not my head! I have always been pragmatic and I told myself numerous times “you have only just got married, work at it” marriage is bloody hard work and its about trust, loyalty, compromise and communication amongst other things but that was not what my heart was telling me to do.

My heart told me to leave, live my life and find happiness. All we want is be happy right?

I strongly believe whether or not your 28 or 48, kids or no kids, you need to follow your heart!

Ask yourself are you happy?

Do you really want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness? putting up with their insecurities? Continue dealing with day-to-day arguments and confrontations? Treading eggshells? Receiving the wrath or your partners temper? Being controlled? Compromising your life? I think the answer would be no!!

Whatever it may be that is restricting you to live your life and be happy………In the good and true words of Major Lazer GET FREE! http://youtu.be/yNo2F645DGc

What have you got to lose? Ok so your questioning, who gets the house? who gets the dog? where would I live? Child support? what would my parents think? what would my friends think?

If these questions are going through your head you are simply being weak and putting up barriers to not leave! You are not been true to yourself! You are making excuses which are standing in the way of your happiness.

We only have one life, so make the most of every day. Don’t live in the past, don’t plan the future live for now and today, as tomorrow may never come.

Yes it may be hell in the process, as I soon discovered. I did not get to leave unscathed!  Like me you may end up with no friends, no house, no dog and not a penny to your name but the day I left I knew I had made the right decision and started my new life from the moment I left with my clothes some cd’s, a cushion and some bedding. I was happy with that because I knew the pain I was causing both of us was finally over (well almost) unfortunately weather or not your marriage ends civil or a disaster you’re going to have to be strong to put up with the shit that follows. This is all temporary. Everything is in life. But you will get where you want to be……….eventually after crying a lot, possibly drinking and smoking the world, dipping in and out of depression through lack of food and going through months of seeing divorce papers flying through your letterbox.

As I said before, you will not leave unscathed, so be prepared for that, be strong, stick with your decision and never look back, move forward and progress as a person……………

But, I can categorically say the grass is greener……………..you just need to water it with love

Is escaping the answer?

18 months after I left my husband I find myself sharing a room with two girls and a guy in France doing a ski season! I packed two bags and off I went!

A bold move? An escape? A change of scenery you may ask? well I guess it’s a combination of them all, you can’t run away from any problems that is for sure and I certainly wasn’t trying to!

I needed a change of scenery and to meet new people and I’m as bold and fiery as they come! I grew a massive pair of balls the day I left my husband and got my personality back from what was a shrinking violet in the making. Never again will I let a man control me or be responsible for someone else’s happiness! It’s a cliché line but you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else and be in love! If not it’s a disaster waiting to happen. A disaster which I have experienced numerous times, but never again.

It really is true when people say “have some you time, think about what you want” I’ve learnt so much about myself and can admit when I’m being stubborn, defensive, jealous, self-righteous and for the first time in 28 years I think before I speak because karma is a fucking bitch! I’m a firm believer in Laws of Attraction, you should educate yourself and be aware http://www.abraham-hicks.com/

I’ve been here for 4 weeks and learnt nothing new about myself so far that I didn’t know already, although it has confirmed I am really private and would rather not wake up in a concrete single bed with a girl if I reach far enough I can touch!

That’s a minimal complaint for where I actually am and what I get to see everyday. Beautiful mountains in the swiss/french alps, fresh air, great skiing, the people and best of all apres ski. I have had moments when I wish I was at home with my best mate drinking cups of tea chatting about our spiritual paths and where we are going to end up next. But I took the bold move and ended up here and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.

Escaping for 6 months upon reflection was the best thing I could have done and all I want to do now is plan my next move.

So if you find yourself with little mates, no job, no house and nothing to keep you where you are, grow those balls and make a bold move, you do actually come to realise you have absolutely nothing to lose and it just adds to your life and a new story to tell.