The Big “O”

Studies show that up to 70% of women do not reach climax through sex, hence why we have become masters at faking! Yes, it is true guys most of the time we fake it because you don’t know our bodies well enough or give it the time to make us come! However it can happen it just takes a bit of patience and the right position.

I’m sure most of us can count the amount of orgasms we’ve had on one hand through sex (if we’re lucky)

We all like to come through sex and not just get banged to high heaven like Alexis Texas does in “Squirting in Seattle” so what the hell is wrong with us? All men can climax through sex whilst we seem to be built differently and it rarely happens for us, after all this is not hollywood!! The inaccurate portrayal of porn and women being in complete ecstasy is so far from the real world.

I believe our lack of orgasms comes down to a few factors;

– the man not really knowing what the hell he is doing, thinking it’s acceptable to have sex with us like porn stars therefore being selfish and just banging the crap out of us

-we don’t feel comfortable enough with our partners or he’s not understanding of our needs

– we’re striving to reach orgasm and concentrating too much to actually relax and enjoy it

– we need more clitoral stimulation which seems almost impossible through sex

– Our bodies are built differently – it’s our anatomy!

It’s hard work let’s be honest (you ladies who come at first thrust mains well stop reading and write your comments at the bottom on what the hell he’s doing right). We start sex as the sexual goddesses we are raring to go in our sexy underwear,  jimmy choos, hair and make-up looking fabulous wanting our explosive orgasm until it takes a drastic turn for the worst, he’s pulled out come all over said underwear, passed you a tissue and passed out. We are left with no hope of an orgasm.

We have to credit the guy who tries for hours but you give in because it’s just never going to happen, if your lucky he’ll go down on you to finish or you go in the bathroom and finish yourself.

I think we need to communicate more with one another. Don’t be scared of doing this, get the sex talk going and tell him what you want. You should know as a women what you need yourself, if you don’t get masturbating and find out what works best for you. It seriously will be the blind leading the blind if you don’t know your own body first! It’s about trying different positions and seeing what works and when it does happen we can thank our lucky stars that nothing is wrong with us we just needed the right penis and position.

For the first time in my life I’ve had orgasms through sex and I wasn’t faking, so it is possible! He knew what he was doing, what I wanted and, was a giver. I think it helps if we feel cared for and loved. The more comfortable and relaxed we are made to feel, the better! Men have a different perspective and don’t need any of these things to come whereas we need that little bit more. Lets be honest who’s ever come through a one night stand?

Could you imagine the frustration a man would feel if he never came through sex? Don’t get me wrong sex is still enjoyable with no orgasm but it gets boring!!! They should take a moment to understand how we feel! You know when you sneeze and it goes away?? Or when you go shopping and just window shop? this is only a miniscule insight as to how we feel……………………

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The Sextator

Spectator:–  a person who looks on or watches; onlooker; observer

Sextator;-  a man who watches; looks at, too much porn

So men are probably thinking they can never watch too much porn. But they can when it starts to interfere with your relationship.  I have read numerous self-help books which teach us that men and women think differently in regards to sex. When it comes to porn, getting mens perspectives, reading these books and experiencing things for myself, I now have more clarity as to why men watch porn and sometimes to excess and not with their partners.

Its voyeuristic, they need visuals. It is a form of escapism and instant gratification. He sleeps with you all the time, he doesn’t want to masturbate over you too. Men have different sexual drives to women, they like to have variety and there is so much out there to choose from online, we after all, can’t always be porn stars in the bedroom! His mind can wander and the stresses and sometimes uncertainties in life seem so far away when he hits his favourite predictable porn site that he can control.

When we masturbate we think of when we last had sex and other scenarios we make up in our heads, they need to see it happening it’s simple! They don’t care what she looks like most of the time, they can be envisaging us doing it to them (so don’t go dying your hair when you find he’s been looking at busty brunettes) he just wants to see all that variety right there on youporn.

You may think, ok, let’s make videos together…………..wrong you’re wasting your time, when you go to work, pop to the shops, pick the kids up, god forbid take a nap, he’s gonna load up incognito browsing and wank his little heart out to something else. Yeah we all remember that Windows 8 advert “when you’re trying to find that perfect gift for the one you love, go private browsing so she can’t see what you’re buying” come on, seriously? what a way to advertise stealth porn browsing!!!

It can divide our relationship. We either hate our partners watching it, or we join them. If we don’t, this is when it can become a major problem. Women feel cheated on. They watch it when we are pregnant etc we catch our partners and we automatically think what is wrong with us?  The answer is nothing is! Would you rather him watch porn or be out cheating on you?  It is only visual remember this!! You can never, ever stop a man from watching porn they are programmed differently to us, it is something we need to accept. And please don’t be naive when your partner tells you he isn’t “you’re all the porn he needs”………he’s lying. I’d say embrace it, it won’t change. You can never change a man so don’t start to try. I’d say jump on board and start watching some big cocks and put that smile right back on your face where it belongs!! It isn’t disgusting or degrading to women, we all have sex right??! (most of us just don’t record it for all to see)

However I would say this, if he spends more time watching porn than sleeping with you, this is when there could be a problem. Your insecurities have probably taken right over and your so hung up on him watching it, your sex has dwindled into the oblivion and he spends more time in the bathroom or in his office in front of his computer than he does with you.

I’m no councillor but if it has reached this stage you’re with a raging, greedy sex addict (who’s also probably cheating) and the best thing you can do is leave him with his subscription to Brazzers and take you’re vagina elsewhere.

Men are from Mars and Women Need more than a Penis

This saying came to me whilst discussing sex yesterday with my friend.

We spent the majority of the day talking about women and men’s expectations in a relationship, our perspectives, views on threesomes, and how women generally think differently to men!

He thinks there should be one penis in a threesome, I think there should be two!

He says our mental state changes after we finally have sex, I say we start to get attached!

He says we like to enjoy the moment not discuss it, I say we need to communicate!

But funnily enough we both agreed on (part of) the threesome. Yes it’s fine when you’re single free and fabulous but do we actually agree on when in a relationship it’s just not the one?

One thing we did seem to agree on is how it made us feel, he said;

“but my problem is afterwards, my moment of realisation, i’d give the ultimate headshake and as a result think of some derogatory terms in my head I thought of her, then i’d have to leave”

For me it was;

” I’m happy with sex with one person, when you have an amazing connection there is no need to bring someone else into the equation, watching someone I loved or just cared about have sex with someone else in front of me I think i’d actually feel sick. Then afterwards your going to be wondering, did he prefer having sex with her? Was she better than me? he looked like he was enjoying it!

Our answers really are the same, but at the same time, look how different they are, women analyze everything so much more than men do, this is a fact!

I think we both could agree on you either have to have an open relationship, get off on watching your partner having sex with someone else or your relationship be absolutely fucking miserable and be blatantly over.

Our mental state is different, he had a point, we need emotion, communication, reassurance and affection, If a man told us he loved us once, he’d be happy he told us and then we’d know right? Wrong we need to be told almost every day, after that mind blowing sex you had in the morning, before he leaves for work and after you make him breakfast.

Ok so he tells us again on valentines………………that’s not enough!

So when we are seeing someone, do things really change after you have sex?

” No we’re just enjoying the moment and the time together why complicate things” were his words, mine again, differed;

“yes because usually we start to fall for you more, we get jealous when you start texting other girls and we want you all to ourselves we’re not complicating things we simply just want monogamy”

We want to talk about everything, where as men do not! or when it is talked out we still get more attached than they do and we “try move goal posts mid match” to complicate things. This is where nine times out of ten things start to fall apart, ladies, it’s our downfall, we think and talk too much!

So why can’t we just go with it like what men do and enjoy the time we spend together when it happens? After all we are still getting the D right? why mess it up and go back to our rabbits? The answer is no we can’t, because we need more! we need commitment, we need trust, honesty, communication and monogamy………even if it’s for 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 years!

Can we really ever be happy with just a penis?

Good on paper, Bad in bed

I use this saying quite often! I love it, because it is usually true!

Good on paper, Bad in bed!!! Now do I really have to spell it out??

Ok, so he earns a lot of money, he has a house, he has a car, what is also known as a “trilogy” but he is terrible in bed!!! and in most cases, has a small penis! However he knows this, so works bloody hard to prove himself or in some cases he doesn’t!

Now you may be thinking I’m being completely cruel but take a minute to think about this, you know you’ve experienced this at some point in your life!!

Ok so, you meet him he takes you out, buys you dinner everything going great. Your either independent and can happily look after yourself, or your happy to be treat like a princess and never put your hand in your pocket, either way he’s a trilogy right, he’s perfect!!

So you’ve now made it to (depending on how easy you are) date 3 or 4. You go back to his amazing apartment with underfloor heating, a bar with every spirit you can name, electric shutters, mood lighting and everything is marble or a shiny surface that you can see your face in and it’s crunch time.  You get on amazingly, you get lost in his kisses, your great at dinner, so sex has to be fabulous right?

Oh how wrong were you! Ok, so it’s not quite the size of a chinaman’s “Mac lipstick” (that’s another blog) but it certainly isn’t what you were hoping for!! Lets be honest it’s a disappointment,  but he tries so hard (or maybe he doesn’t because like his income thinks his penis meets our standards) we have to give him that and I guess you make it work right???

Wrong! ladies let’s be honest all the money in the world still can’t buy a better penis and that’s why he leads with his money and his fancy car and his swanky apartment because he has to compensate in some area other than his nether regions!

Ask yourself this, do you settle for the guy who gives you security? money? a home? a car?  but you have to “train” him up to make him better in bed? (and it may never get better his penis is not going to change is it)?

Or do you take the opposite “Bad on paper, Good in bed” This is usually known as the bad boy who has no real job or income, probably still lives with his mother but you have NEVER EVER had sex as good in your life and yes, he is well endowed and knows each and every little button to press and you never thought you could have sex so good in all your life!!? Yes you have him pictured in your head and you’ve been there and done that right?

But this guy………this is the one who understands you, who makes you laugh, who you can stay up until 7am with, laugh until you cry, talk about every last thing, have no uncomfortable silences, have mind-blowing sex, drink and talk some more and he gets you like no other! Give a shit if he doesn’t have any money,that won’t last forever, neither will living with is mother, you know you’ve found love (and a great penis) when you can sit on the kitchen floor, eat beans on toast, screw your brains out and be the happiest girl on this planet!!

I know who I would choose…………………………

Back in the Game

So as the saying goes “To get over someone, get under someone else”

How do we all feel about this? Is sex the answer to a break up? Do we need to feel the weight of a man? Do we need to feel something we were lacking in our last relationship?

The answer is YES!! Of course we do, we all need sex and if you’re lucky he may spoon you after but lets be honest it makes us feel alive, sexy, and wanted again!!! (Even if you can’t really recall his name in the morning) thats what being single and having fun is all about!

I think the worse thing to do is to go straight into your next relationship. Moving from one person to another is not the one! It shows weakness, neediness and the lack of ability to enjoy your own company!  Having you time and some freedom to do whatever the hell you want is key here.

We need to get back out there and let some gorgeous man show us what we’ve been missing! Lacking confidence? Insecure? No man finds this attractive! So whoever put you down before, shake that shit off because you are fabulous and even though you may still be wiping your tears away, those will pass and when they do, you’ll know you’re ready!

Someone will love your small breasts, love that jelly butt and those curves, not tell us we need to lose weight! And if a man put you down in the first place he definitely wasn’t worth keeping!

Love yourself, your body and how you look, that will project out and men will come running (and some even crawl back out the wood work from years ago) because that one time when a gorgeous man walks by you and he’s looking at you (yes you, don’t look behind you like I did) you’ll realise you are hot, you still have it and you’re ready to be back in the game!

xx