Dating Site, Dating Shite

OK, so we’re all looking for love aren’t we? Everyone at some point wants to experience love, however after numerous failed dates, nights out and blind dates set up by our friends, we start to believe he/she is no longer out there. Or we have loved and lost so in a bid to find it again, yes, you guessed it, we head to our computers and search for love online. Now there are many reasons people join the world of online dating, to actually find love, constraints in everyday life for example work and kids, for curiosity, desperation, or simply just for some instant self-gratification. After all, numerous profile views, being people’s favourite and receiving messages from strangers does give us an ego boost and lets not forget, hope that there’s someone out there.

“Online dating has become one of the best ways to meet someone and statistics show that one in five relationships in the UK now start on the internet with over 15 million of us being single in the UK alone.” Poppyspage.org.uk I’m not sure what to think of this, as well as scrolling for our grocery’s online where scrolling pages for our next love? Are we consumed with the internet and lost sight of human interaction? Or is this just a great way to find our next partner? I joined a popular dating site to find out for myself!

Women inevitably get inundated with messages. I messaged a few girls (research purposes only) to see what they had experienced on the site and I hate to say it but it seems like we are in a sea of men who don’t know how to approach women. Now I believe most of what they and I received would not come out of a mans mouth if you had met them in a bar. After I joined I received forty-seven views in the space of Twenty minutes, Eighteen messages and seven people favoured me. I received messages what made my mouth drop wide open, some which made me cry with laughter and “Aaahhhh” like I’d seen a new-born baby!! I wouldn’t class “I’d smash your back doors right open” and “Do you like anal” as the best conversation starter. Seriously how do you respond to that? Oh dear and No?! This is where you separate the time wasters to someone who puts effort into a message and is taking it serious. My profile clearly states “I don’t need a man I need a champion” and do not message me saying “Hi/Hey/Hello it’s boring I won’t respond” (look where that got me)!

Men clearly lack the ability to spell and communicate on this site. “Hey up gawjus u luk like ma kinda gurl how u doin? U look like a girl I cud knwo and I’d like swap my numbere if interested we could conversation later?” I could go on…………. This made me question his “bachelor degree”!!!

Half of the people I have conversed with are illiterate, boring or rude. They don’t ask me any questions or appear like they want to get to know me at all.  I have tried to be polite as possible and reply to every single person as I don’t want to come across as rude, but I’ve started to lose the will to live talking to mundane men and my rudest point was telling someone to google what esoteric meant as I simply wasn’t in the mood to explain it and when a guy turned around and said “I’m in loveeeeeeee” I responded with “what, your eyebrows?”(I could never date a man more groomed than me)

So, just when I go to hit the “Delete Profile” button on my account,  a few pleasant messages from men I actually find attractive and have a personality pop up to my surprise. Ok one wasn’t but his message was ten out of ten for effort “Oh come on, please respond, I’d walk across the dry desert with only Vanessa feltz cleavage sweat for water and asparagus for food (and I hate asparagus) to get a date with you” How can you not laugh or respond to that? Various others included “look no further your champion is here” “why are you single” “Can I walk you down the isle” “I may be no champion but I won champion cuddler of the year” and some eager enough to hand out there  phone number on the first message.

I’m not sure online dating is for me, it has been an experience but I would like to find love the old-fashioned way, when I least expect it. I prefer scrolling my rightmove app than scrolling for a man, it made me feel desperate to which I am far from and not ready to find love, however a bit of an ego boost never goes a miss

My conclusion is this, I know I still have it, I need to write a blog for men on “how to approach a women online”, beware of catfish (one guy I spoke to had pulled his image off google) and I’ll let you all know if I’m still alive after my date………………………………………

 

 

 

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My “Mr Big” Journey

I was 18 when I met my Mr Big.

It was love at first sight. He had so much charisma, charm and energy and I revelled in it. He was perfect. He was the most beautiful man I’d laid my eyes on.

Luckily for me he felt the same but as well as me, he was laying his eyes on everyone else. He was 25 at the time and was young and frivolous, we both were, which was totally acceptable but somehow made me feel inadequate when we only spent weekends together. My heart pined for him all week and I was satisfied, once again when saturday night came.

He taught me things I’d never experienced before. He influenced me musically like no one else ever did. He is, to this day still responsible for my music collection and I was in awe of his creativity and passion. Our sex was out of this world and it got better and better and better as the weekends went on!

So what happened you’re probably thinking?

Well the weekends got more frequent , then they got less when he constantly used to back off whenever things started looking that bit more serious! we were young after all.

I persisted with him for three years on and off  I tried to find other men to distract me but it was never the same. I always ended up back with him. His friends warned me off him but I wouldn’t listen and I finally got to a point when I said enough was enough, he was sleeping with other people and I couldn’t handle it. I wanted him more than he wanted me, I was in love with him he wasn’t in love with me. So I eventually gave up and moved on! My heart was broken ten fold and I moved away to try to forget about him and live my life. But when you have a connection so strong with someone, I don’t think it ever goes away.

However we were young, I never expected a ring, just monogamy but this was unrealistic. I was never enough for him.

So what happened in between? Years past and we distanced ourselves from each other, I think he did start to fall for me when I grew up and finally moved on, but then he did too! We both met and fell in love with other people.

Until recently when we both became single again and yes, the spark was still there. At a friend’s wedding I caught him staring at a women in the way he did me and it made me and it made me jealous I thought there he goes again, same old Mr Big trying to sleep with any attractive girl who came his way. But I didn’t let this stop me from having another look inside the door! He did leave with me that night after all.

I had him on a pedestal yet again, wanting him and being fully there, available stood in front of him wanting to be loved…………..again

But nothing happened, it wasn’t quite the same, I did have my guard up because I couldn’t possibly fall for this guy yet again to only be let down.

A few months past and I couldn’t quite shake my feelings and emotions so I confronted him yet again, what did I possibly have to lose but a bit more dignity after all these years! He said “The one thing I love about you is you accept me for who I am” which I always did, but he had unfinished business with his ex so yet again I was “on his list” but not a priority.

This was just over a year ago and I have finally left it there. We did speak about the “what if’s” and “never say never” and I still believe he may have feelings for me today.

I think he now realises I could have been the one, but I got away. He had his chances and now I feel like I’m stood on the shore watching his boat sail away.

I still think “what if” now and I’m sure he does too but would it really ever work? would I ever be enough for him? I don’t think I would and I don’t think he would be enough for me now I’ve grown up and realised what I want from life.

I gave my Mr Big 10 years on and off. I was there in love with him, waiting for him to say those three words back but they never came and he never wanted me like I did him.

You remember that scene in Sex and the city where he drives off after pulling up outside the church? Realises what he’s doing and turns back around? My guy never turned around in the end.

I never got get my “Carrie Bradshaw” ending but I did gain a best friend and one I’ll have forever.

xx

Is there ever a right time to leave the one you love?

If you’re in an unhappy relationship or marriage do you stay? Do you stay because of your kids? Do you stay because you cannot muster up the courage to leave? you don’t want to hurt him/her? what is your reason?

My reason was because I fell out of love so I left, I didn’t want to stay in an unhappy marriage. I said fuck it (like the book f**k it) and left because I was miserable. Marriage was not for me or I married the wrong man I’m still trying to work that one out!!

I never had much faith in marriage as I came from a broken family and this stuck with me from the age of 10 when I heard my dad say the words ” I no longer love your mum and I am leaving”  At that moment I hated him for ruining our family, however years later when you grow up, gain a personality and have a better understanding of life, hate becomes a strong word and you realise people do things for good reasons. I don’t hate my dad and I never did, I just held him responsible for breaking up a happy home with clarity as to why.

I felt exactly the same as he did. trapped in a loveless marriage (on my side) wanting different things from life and for me an age gap of ten years that did prove to be a problem. We all have our reasons! I thought I had seen the world by 22 years old and was ready to settle with a strong Yorkshireman I loved and adored but I was wrong.

Falling out of love with someone happens (in some cases) as easy as it was to fall in love in the first place. Numerous things caused me to fall out of love but I did something about it!

Do you stay, put in the commitment, have marriage counselling, have kids and carry on? Or do you admit to yourself you are unhappy, not willing to work at it anymore because you plain and simply do not love him anymore!

I choose the latter, because for the first time in my life I thought and went with my heart and not my head! I have always been pragmatic and I told myself numerous times “you have only just got married, work at it” marriage is bloody hard work and its about trust, loyalty, compromise and communication amongst other things but that was not what my heart was telling me to do.

My heart told me to leave, live my life and find happiness. All we want is be happy right?

I strongly believe whether or not your 28 or 48, kids or no kids, you need to follow your heart!

Ask yourself are you happy?

Do you really want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness? putting up with their insecurities? Continue dealing with day-to-day arguments and confrontations? Treading eggshells? Receiving the wrath or your partners temper? Being controlled? Compromising your life? I think the answer would be no!!

Whatever it may be that is restricting you to live your life and be happy………In the good and true words of Major Lazer GET FREE! http://youtu.be/yNo2F645DGc

What have you got to lose? Ok so your questioning, who gets the house? who gets the dog? where would I live? Child support? what would my parents think? what would my friends think?

If these questions are going through your head you are simply being weak and putting up barriers to not leave! You are not been true to yourself! You are making excuses which are standing in the way of your happiness.

We only have one life, so make the most of every day. Don’t live in the past, don’t plan the future live for now and today, as tomorrow may never come.

Yes it may be hell in the process, as I soon discovered. I did not get to leave unscathed!  Like me you may end up with no friends, no house, no dog and not a penny to your name but the day I left I knew I had made the right decision and started my new life from the moment I left with my clothes some cd’s, a cushion and some bedding. I was happy with that because I knew the pain I was causing both of us was finally over (well almost) unfortunately weather or not your marriage ends civil or a disaster you’re going to have to be strong to put up with the shit that follows. This is all temporary. Everything is in life. But you will get where you want to be……….eventually after crying a lot, possibly drinking and smoking the world, dipping in and out of depression through lack of food and going through months of seeing divorce papers flying through your letterbox.

As I said before, you will not leave unscathed, so be prepared for that, be strong, stick with your decision and never look back, move forward and progress as a person……………

But, I can categorically say the grass is greener……………..you just need to water it with love