The Well of despair

Sliding down the slippery walls into the well of despair trying to grab on for dear life but the overwhelming feeling of depression comes over you like a wave at sea and your crampons and carabiners fail you miserably as you fall deep into the well and taste the dirt at the bottom!

Dark negative thoughts take over your mind and the struggle becomes unbearable with no light in sight at the end of the tunnel, Christ, you can’t even see a tunnel, you’re in the well miles away from it and all you can see is darkness!

The words “Stressed” and “depressed” are thrown around like “love” and “hate” with no real understanding of how it actually makes you feel and takes over you. No matter what anyone tells you, only you can pick yourself up.

“You’ll be fine” “you’ll sort something out” “it’s not that bad” “there are people worse off” are phrases used far to often by people who don’t truly understand how you feel, have never felt what your feeling or who blatantly don’t care. People have their own issues so you can’t always expect them to care or show any compassion.
You are in this alone. You are in the Ubliet alone and only you can climb your way out!

So it starts with googling the easiest way to kill yourself after you muster out of bed around tea time to smoke a cigarette and then climb back into said bed for the rest of the evening! Food isn’t an option as one of your options was starving yourself when you pressed search and you only have £3 so you need to use that wisely (and your running out of cigarettes)

Your head has totally melted and you can’t think straight. You wonder who you’ll leave behind but your thoughts are so dark you think they won’t really care anyway, so they continue, what if I did this, what if I did that, your thoughts are the darkest and the word positivity doesn’t exist in your head. Everything you have done equals failure.

Your so desperate to get out of the deep dirty well that you try scurry around for the crampons, carabiners and rope but it’s just thick mud around you and they are nowhere to be seen.

So you lay there in the pile of dirt still trying to find them and your finger touches the metal clamp and you grab on for dear life. You manage to lift up your head as a positive, yes, positive thought rushes over you and you think of new ways to rebuild your sorry, miserable life! Your phone beeps and it’s someone who cares, an email comes through from a potential job offer, someone hands you a tenner…….things aren’t looking that bad anymore are they?!

You find the carabiners and another crampon and prepare yourself to stand tall as the rope you were trying to tie into a noose around your neck suddenly looks more appealing to try to throw to the top of the well to get out! As you step into the carabiners and throw the rope high until it latches onto a solid object at the top of the well you pull out the crampons and start to climb. Step by step struggling to grab on ripping fingernails and wanting to give up on every step up, you continue because at the top there is life, a life worth living.

You may not have thought so, and still doubt it, but there is life. There are people at the top looking down at you wanting you to get out. Even if it’s just one or two people stood there, they want you out and that’s all that matters. Someone always cares. You never have no one. You can never rely on anyone or anything external to you for your own happiness but someone will miss you if you do stay in the well of despair and give up. I’m not going to tell you “things aren’t that bad” because they are. Maybe you have no real friends? You have no job? Nowhere to live? No money to feed yourself or your child? But when that one positive thought creeps up on you that’s what gives you some hope! Hope that you will regain yourself, regain good thoughts and see the light at the top of the well.

So, you’re right at the top and you’ve managed to get there all on your own as you roll over the top, breathless and take those first steps out as you see the daylight like your first steps as a child, off-balance but confident you won’t fall back in.

As your lips part, teeth start to show, dimples form and that smiles start to make an appearance, you look back down the well, gather your equipment and throw it back in. You walk away with confidence knowing that your walking free as a bird onto the next exciting chapter of your life and you will never let yourself fall back down again.

Life truly isn’t that bad there are ways out and you can find them. It takes inner strength and a strong fight but in the end you’ll wonder how you ever felt like that in the first place.

It’s like David Bowie said in Labyrinth;

“She’s in the Ubliet, she shouldn’t have got as far as the Ubliet, she should be out by now…………………She’ll never give up.

The Three Month Rule

I believe you know after three months if you can potentially fall for someone or not. I know it actually takes years to truly know someone and really fall in love but as your little love affair hits 90 days you’re sure to know if it could develop into love, if it was just lust or if you were unfortunate enough for it to be one-sided and dating a commitaphobe!

So your new exciting relationship starts with first dates. Those trips to the cinema and romantic candlelit dinners, this then leads us to going around each others houses having food and watching dvd’s, then eventually we have sex and start staying over. You will also encounter the meet of one another’s friends, maybe even a small trip, then usually by this point we’re either still really excited and can see something developing or we’re bored as hell of one another and totally over it.

I’ve experienced this enough times and for me it has usually ended just before or on the 90th day! You can start to see the same pattern developing. There has been around three people I’ve ever been bothered about after this time, I married one of them and the other two did not reciprocate the same feelings. This is beyond disappointing. To feel so much for the other person and they don’t feel the same back. You have to face reality, pick yourself up and move onto the next. Persisting is pointless, yes you may have great sex and enjoy one another’s company, but if one of you wants more it will never work, you’ll drag it out and waste your time.

So the next time you find yourself a new sweetheart put this to the test. Gage if the relationship has potential, see if you could see yourself with this person for longer than three months or see if it starts to fizzle out to nothing. Sometimes we can exhaust all there is to do in such a little space of time but this time is crucial as to what will happen next.

Do not waste your time on someone who doesn’t feel the same, you’re just bored of or he/she doesn’t do it for you.

Do not be weak, end it…………………..Or continue and watch your new relationship blossom into something amazing.

Bitches Be-Have Don’t Hate

You walk into a bar with your group of girlfriends and apart from heading to the bar, what is the first thing you do? You Hate! You turn to your friend and say “Look at her hair” “Looks at her dress she looks like a slut” “OMG check her brows, and that make-up”

What is wrong with women? Insecure? Envious? or just plain bitchy?

I saw this the other day on Instagram and think it speaks volumes……………….

We’re threatened by other women, lets face it, therefore we think its appropriate to slate one another. One factor is insecurity, I used to do the same I’ll be honest, now I wouldn’t dream of it! I’m the girl in the toilet who asks you who does your hair, or where your shoes are from, not cussing them out! Lets be honest, it’s cruel and damn right hateful. Kamarang will come straight back at you, test it! The next time you say something nasty about someone take note of what comes back! A drink will get spilled on you when your out, or you will feel the wrath of another girl chatting shit about you…………..it’s not nice is it?

The amount of times I’ve stuck up for my sister or my friends because another women has spoken bad of her hair or dress (when really its bloody fabulous) I cannot count on one hand!!

As the picture states, we should be empowering one another and not being so envious. We are all different, we should embrace that, thin, curvy, blonde, red-head, natural make-up, lots of make-up, whatever it may be we have no right to talk bad about other women.

Another factor is we’re just jealous and envious. We can’t handle the fact she is wearing louboutin’s and we are wearing topshop, she is wearing topshop, we are wearing primark. You get where I’m coming from! We are who we are and if you are wearing primark what the hell is wrong with that? Shame on you if you think “everything” that is what she can afford she’s out with her friends having a good time for gods sake don’t make fun of her shoes. Life is not about luxury and material items it’s about being you and being happy (whatever you are wearing)

Ask yourself why are you jealous of someone else? What are you not happy with?

You should never strive to be someone else, I have learnt this myself. I look at people’s instagrams with their amazing non freckly skin, high cheekbones, big breasts, great eyebrows and hair, why can we not be happy with who we are? I think it’s about being comfortable in your own skin and making the best of what you have! I’m learning to embrace my little actress tits, my roman nose and my wonky brows. My good friend once told me “brows are meant to be sisters and not twins”, I am happy I can get away with never having to wear a bra, and christ, if I changed my nose known my luck I’d end up like Jennifer Grey did (dirty dancing) and be unrecognisable to my family and friends. I don’t need bigger breasts or a straighter nose I am who I am and I am happy with that. Can you say the same? In my opinion people who are constantly changing the way they look and enhancing their lips, breasts, whatever, are not happy with themselves and they are weak. It’s an outlet, as is smoking and drugs. We don’t need to do it! I used to constantly change my hair colour, style you name it because I wanted to appeal interesting and quirky, was scared my partner would look elsewhere or I wasn’t “ontrend”. Looking back this screams insecurity and weakness.

We are strong females who are all fabulous in our own right. The last thing we need to do is start slating one another for what is potentially right or wrong in fashion, hair and make-up. Look for the positives in one another. I used to work for a make-up brand and it may sound cheesy but one of our tag lines was “Look for what you like” It’s amazing when you stop someone and say “Wow where is your jacket from” “What nice glasses you have” I once said to a lady who visited my counter “your hair is to die for”, you know what she turned around and said “really? my friend just said I looked awful today and was ashamed to leave the house with me” I was truly disgusted. She was delighted I paid her a compliment and I wasn’t making it up! Compliments really go far! You actually go back to your friends and tell them the nice things that got said to you, it gives you the confidence boost we sometimes need to make us feel better about who we are!

Ok, so your having a down day and all the problems that are happening at home, or with your partner are truly getting you down. That one comment could just send you over the edge. Think about that the next time your out and about and you start talking nasty (god forbid she hears you) think about how that person would feel! You have no right to comment on someone else’s downfalls and you’ve just sent the poor girl into the well of despair! Well done!

We are who we are regardless of our wardrobe, you need to look inside you and be happy, flaws and all.

In the words of TLC

“You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty,
I’ll make you feel unpretty too”

You have no right to make anyone else feel shit about themselves, next time, think about it!

The Big “O”

Studies show that up to 70% of women do not reach climax through sex, hence why we have become masters at faking! Yes, it is true guys most of the time we fake it because you don’t know our bodies well enough or give it the time to make us come! However it can happen it just takes a bit of patience and the right position.

I’m sure most of us can count the amount of orgasms we’ve had on one hand through sex (if we’re lucky)

We all like to come through sex and not just get banged to high heaven like Alexis Texas does in “Squirting in Seattle” so what the hell is wrong with us? All men can climax through sex whilst we seem to be built differently and it rarely happens for us, after all this is not hollywood!! The inaccurate portrayal of porn and women being in complete ecstasy is so far from the real world.

I believe our lack of orgasms comes down to a few factors;

– the man not really knowing what the hell he is doing, thinking it’s acceptable to have sex with us like porn stars therefore being selfish and just banging the crap out of us

-we don’t feel comfortable enough with our partners or he’s not understanding of our needs

– we’re striving to reach orgasm and concentrating too much to actually relax and enjoy it

– we need more clitoral stimulation which seems almost impossible through sex

– Our bodies are built differently – it’s our anatomy!

It’s hard work let’s be honest (you ladies who come at first thrust mains well stop reading and write your comments at the bottom on what the hell he’s doing right). We start sex as the sexual goddesses we are raring to go in our sexy underwear,  jimmy choos, hair and make-up looking fabulous wanting our explosive orgasm until it takes a drastic turn for the worst, he’s pulled out come all over said underwear, passed you a tissue and passed out. We are left with no hope of an orgasm.

We have to credit the guy who tries for hours but you give in because it’s just never going to happen, if your lucky he’ll go down on you to finish or you go in the bathroom and finish yourself.

I think we need to communicate more with one another. Don’t be scared of doing this, get the sex talk going and tell him what you want. You should know as a women what you need yourself, if you don’t get masturbating and find out what works best for you. It seriously will be the blind leading the blind if you don’t know your own body first! It’s about trying different positions and seeing what works and when it does happen we can thank our lucky stars that nothing is wrong with us we just needed the right penis and position.

For the first time in my life I’ve had orgasms through sex and I wasn’t faking, so it is possible! He knew what he was doing, what I wanted and, was a giver. I think it helps if we feel cared for and loved. The more comfortable and relaxed we are made to feel, the better! Men have a different perspective and don’t need any of these things to come whereas we need that little bit more. Lets be honest who’s ever come through a one night stand?

Could you imagine the frustration a man would feel if he never came through sex? Don’t get me wrong sex is still enjoyable with no orgasm but it gets boring!!! They should take a moment to understand how we feel! You know when you sneeze and it goes away?? Or when you go shopping and just window shop? this is only a miniscule insight as to how we feel……………………

The Sextator

Spectator:–  a person who looks on or watches; onlooker; observer

Sextator;-  a man who watches; looks at, too much porn

So men are probably thinking they can never watch too much porn. But they can when it starts to interfere with your relationship.  I have read numerous self-help books which teach us that men and women think differently in regards to sex. When it comes to porn, getting mens perspectives, reading these books and experiencing things for myself, I now have more clarity as to why men watch porn and sometimes to excess and not with their partners.

Its voyeuristic, they need visuals. It is a form of escapism and instant gratification. He sleeps with you all the time, he doesn’t want to masturbate over you too. Men have different sexual drives to women, they like to have variety and there is so much out there to choose from online, we after all, can’t always be porn stars in the bedroom! His mind can wander and the stresses and sometimes uncertainties in life seem so far away when he hits his favourite predictable porn site that he can control.

When we masturbate we think of when we last had sex and other scenarios we make up in our heads, they need to see it happening it’s simple! They don’t care what she looks like most of the time, they can be envisaging us doing it to them (so don’t go dying your hair when you find he’s been looking at busty brunettes) he just wants to see all that variety right there on youporn.

You may think, ok, let’s make videos together…………..wrong you’re wasting your time, when you go to work, pop to the shops, pick the kids up, god forbid take a nap, he’s gonna load up incognito browsing and wank his little heart out to something else. Yeah we all remember that Windows 8 advert “when you’re trying to find that perfect gift for the one you love, go private browsing so she can’t see what you’re buying” come on, seriously? what a way to advertise stealth porn browsing!!!

It can divide our relationship. We either hate our partners watching it, or we join them. If we don’t, this is when it can become a major problem. Women feel cheated on. They watch it when we are pregnant etc we catch our partners and we automatically think what is wrong with us?  The answer is nothing is! Would you rather him watch porn or be out cheating on you?  It is only visual remember this!! You can never, ever stop a man from watching porn they are programmed differently to us, it is something we need to accept. And please don’t be naive when your partner tells you he isn’t “you’re all the porn he needs”………he’s lying. I’d say embrace it, it won’t change. You can never change a man so don’t start to try. I’d say jump on board and start watching some big cocks and put that smile right back on your face where it belongs!! It isn’t disgusting or degrading to women, we all have sex right??! (most of us just don’t record it for all to see)

However I would say this, if he spends more time watching porn than sleeping with you, this is when there could be a problem. Your insecurities have probably taken right over and your so hung up on him watching it, your sex has dwindled into the oblivion and he spends more time in the bathroom or in his office in front of his computer than he does with you.

I’m no councillor but if it has reached this stage you’re with a raging, greedy sex addict (who’s also probably cheating) and the best thing you can do is leave him with his subscription to Brazzers and take you’re vagina elsewhere.

My “Mr Big” Journey

I was 18 when I met my Mr Big.

It was love at first sight. He had so much charisma, charm and energy and I revelled in it. He was perfect. He was the most beautiful man I’d laid my eyes on.

Luckily for me he felt the same but as well as me, he was laying his eyes on everyone else. He was 25 at the time and was young and frivolous, we both were, which was totally acceptable but somehow made me feel inadequate when we only spent weekends together. My heart pined for him all week and I was satisfied, once again when saturday night came.

He taught me things I’d never experienced before. He influenced me musically like no one else ever did. He is, to this day still responsible for my music collection and I was in awe of his creativity and passion. Our sex was out of this world and it got better and better and better as the weekends went on!

So what happened you’re probably thinking?

Well the weekends got more frequent , then they got less when he constantly used to back off whenever things started looking that bit more serious! we were young after all.

I persisted with him for three years on and off  I tried to find other men to distract me but it was never the same. I always ended up back with him. His friends warned me off him but I wouldn’t listen and I finally got to a point when I said enough was enough, he was sleeping with other people and I couldn’t handle it. I wanted him more than he wanted me, I was in love with him he wasn’t in love with me. So I eventually gave up and moved on! My heart was broken ten fold and I moved away to try to forget about him and live my life. But when you have a connection so strong with someone, I don’t think it ever goes away.

However we were young, I never expected a ring, just monogamy but this was unrealistic. I was never enough for him.

So what happened in between? Years past and we distanced ourselves from each other, I think he did start to fall for me when I grew up and finally moved on, but then he did too! We both met and fell in love with other people.

Until recently when we both became single again and yes, the spark was still there. At a friend’s wedding I caught him staring at a women in the way he did me and it made me and it made me jealous I thought there he goes again, same old Mr Big trying to sleep with any attractive girl who came his way. But I didn’t let this stop me from having another look inside the door! He did leave with me that night after all.

I had him on a pedestal yet again, wanting him and being fully there, available stood in front of him wanting to be loved…………..again

But nothing happened, it wasn’t quite the same, I did have my guard up because I couldn’t possibly fall for this guy yet again to only be let down.

A few months past and I couldn’t quite shake my feelings and emotions so I confronted him yet again, what did I possibly have to lose but a bit more dignity after all these years! He said “The one thing I love about you is you accept me for who I am” which I always did, but he had unfinished business with his ex so yet again I was “on his list” but not a priority.

This was just over a year ago and I have finally left it there. We did speak about the “what if’s” and “never say never” and I still believe he may have feelings for me today.

I think he now realises I could have been the one, but I got away. He had his chances and now I feel like I’m stood on the shore watching his boat sail away.

I still think “what if” now and I’m sure he does too but would it really ever work? would I ever be enough for him? I don’t think I would and I don’t think he would be enough for me now I’ve grown up and realised what I want from life.

I gave my Mr Big 10 years on and off. I was there in love with him, waiting for him to say those three words back but they never came and he never wanted me like I did him.

You remember that scene in Sex and the city where he drives off after pulling up outside the church? Realises what he’s doing and turns back around? My guy never turned around in the end.

I never got get my “Carrie Bradshaw” ending but I did gain a best friend and one I’ll have forever.

xx

Men are from Mars and Women Need more than a Penis

This saying came to me whilst discussing sex yesterday with my friend.

We spent the majority of the day talking about women and men’s expectations in a relationship, our perspectives, views on threesomes, and how women generally think differently to men!

He thinks there should be one penis in a threesome, I think there should be two!

He says our mental state changes after we finally have sex, I say we start to get attached!

He says we like to enjoy the moment not discuss it, I say we need to communicate!

But funnily enough we both agreed on (part of) the threesome. Yes it’s fine when you’re single free and fabulous but do we actually agree on when in a relationship it’s just not the one?

One thing we did seem to agree on is how it made us feel, he said;

“but my problem is afterwards, my moment of realisation, i’d give the ultimate headshake and as a result think of some derogatory terms in my head I thought of her, then i’d have to leave”

For me it was;

” I’m happy with sex with one person, when you have an amazing connection there is no need to bring someone else into the equation, watching someone I loved or just cared about have sex with someone else in front of me I think i’d actually feel sick. Then afterwards your going to be wondering, did he prefer having sex with her? Was she better than me? he looked like he was enjoying it!

Our answers really are the same, but at the same time, look how different they are, women analyze everything so much more than men do, this is a fact!

I think we both could agree on you either have to have an open relationship, get off on watching your partner having sex with someone else or your relationship be absolutely fucking miserable and be blatantly over.

Our mental state is different, he had a point, we need emotion, communication, reassurance and affection, If a man told us he loved us once, he’d be happy he told us and then we’d know right? Wrong we need to be told almost every day, after that mind blowing sex you had in the morning, before he leaves for work and after you make him breakfast.

Ok so he tells us again on valentines………………that’s not enough!

So when we are seeing someone, do things really change after you have sex?

” No we’re just enjoying the moment and the time together why complicate things” were his words, mine again, differed;

“yes because usually we start to fall for you more, we get jealous when you start texting other girls and we want you all to ourselves we’re not complicating things we simply just want monogamy”

We want to talk about everything, where as men do not! or when it is talked out we still get more attached than they do and we “try move goal posts mid match” to complicate things. This is where nine times out of ten things start to fall apart, ladies, it’s our downfall, we think and talk too much!

So why can’t we just go with it like what men do and enjoy the time we spend together when it happens? After all we are still getting the D right? why mess it up and go back to our rabbits? The answer is no we can’t, because we need more! we need commitment, we need trust, honesty, communication and monogamy………even if it’s for 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 years!

Can we really ever be happy with just a penis?

Peter Pan generation

We’re living in a valley of thirty something guys (and girls) who are trying to the stretch the boundaries of adulthood for as long as possible. It’s like we’re living in a playground and don’t want to grow up to and face the responsibilities life now has to throw at us! We are living in the Peter Pan generation!

How many of you are stuck in Neverland? Avoiding mortgages, marriage and children?

I think I can categorically say I am, after getting divorced, selling my house and going back to playing Wendy, with Michael and Peter flying through the window to have some fun in never-never land! Now I’m not saying never-never again, but for now, can we say we are truly happy avoiding settling down and not following in the guided footsteps of our parents?

I think we can! We’re in a different generation to them. We are programmed to find love, find a house, get married, have children and live happily ever after, but really, we are happy to not grow up any time soon. We flit from job to job, person to person and avoid any kind of commitment and responsibility. Are we basically saying fuck it to what should be? or is the society we live in making this almost impossible for us? Honestly how many of you can afford a deposit for house, let alone put a full tank of petrol in your car?

Statistics show women are putting off having children until mid to late 30’s, men are lacking the will to commit, and lets face it, us women are setting bad standards by giving in to one night stands so men think its acceptable to roll that way with the next women they meet! Lets face it we’re to busy getting laid, spending our money on holidays, clothes and going out every weekend than opening a savings account at halifax let alone thinking about a pension with prudential!

Our parents and grandparents would have knocked out all their children by now and be looking to move to a bigger house or build an extension and all we’re building is spliffs!

Women were taught to love, get married and have kids why don’t men get taught the same?? Years ago things were different they couldn’t wait to get married because when they did, they finally got to have sex! Now it’s hard for us to stay monogamous or in a marriage for that matter, take me for example I was married 11 months! Our eyes wander, we feel restricted, trapped and we fall out of love as quick as we fell in and into the arms of the next person with no real commitment.

When will we finally take our green hat and tights off and stop flying about our with friends? When we are forty and alone and still renting? When we’re bankrupt from all the partying and holidays? Or when we realise we have no real career and not achieved our goals?

Is it time to grow the fuck up?!!!

Good on paper, Bad in bed

I use this saying quite often! I love it, because it is usually true!

Good on paper, Bad in bed!!! Now do I really have to spell it out??

Ok, so he earns a lot of money, he has a house, he has a car, what is also known as a “trilogy” but he is terrible in bed!!! and in most cases, has a small penis! However he knows this, so works bloody hard to prove himself or in some cases he doesn’t!

Now you may be thinking I’m being completely cruel but take a minute to think about this, you know you’ve experienced this at some point in your life!!

Ok so, you meet him he takes you out, buys you dinner everything going great. Your either independent and can happily look after yourself, or your happy to be treat like a princess and never put your hand in your pocket, either way he’s a trilogy right, he’s perfect!!

So you’ve now made it to (depending on how easy you are) date 3 or 4. You go back to his amazing apartment with underfloor heating, a bar with every spirit you can name, electric shutters, mood lighting and everything is marble or a shiny surface that you can see your face in and it’s crunch time.  You get on amazingly, you get lost in his kisses, your great at dinner, so sex has to be fabulous right?

Oh how wrong were you! Ok, so it’s not quite the size of a chinaman’s “Mac lipstick” (that’s another blog) but it certainly isn’t what you were hoping for!! Lets be honest it’s a disappointment,  but he tries so hard (or maybe he doesn’t because like his income thinks his penis meets our standards) we have to give him that and I guess you make it work right???

Wrong! ladies let’s be honest all the money in the world still can’t buy a better penis and that’s why he leads with his money and his fancy car and his swanky apartment because he has to compensate in some area other than his nether regions!

Ask yourself this, do you settle for the guy who gives you security? money? a home? a car?  but you have to “train” him up to make him better in bed? (and it may never get better his penis is not going to change is it)?

Or do you take the opposite “Bad on paper, Good in bed” This is usually known as the bad boy who has no real job or income, probably still lives with his mother but you have NEVER EVER had sex as good in your life and yes, he is well endowed and knows each and every little button to press and you never thought you could have sex so good in all your life!!? Yes you have him pictured in your head and you’ve been there and done that right?

But this guy………this is the one who understands you, who makes you laugh, who you can stay up until 7am with, laugh until you cry, talk about every last thing, have no uncomfortable silences, have mind-blowing sex, drink and talk some more and he gets you like no other! Give a shit if he doesn’t have any money,that won’t last forever, neither will living with is mother, you know you’ve found love (and a great penis) when you can sit on the kitchen floor, eat beans on toast, screw your brains out and be the happiest girl on this planet!!

I know who I would choose…………………………

Ex and the City

So, after you break up with your partner, or vica versa, you need to be prepared to see them with someone else! it’s life!

We all move on one way or another and eventually if you live in a small city like I did you’ll bump into them somewhere. Or if you’re really lucky they will befriend your social circle and there will be no escape!!

One of the first nights I went out as a single lady, it was Halloween and I dressed up as Black Swan, with my Vampire nun slut bestie in tow! It wasn’t until I got near the door of the bar we were meeting in for the party that I turned to her and said “No, you don’t think my ex will be in here do you?” we both laughed at the thought and trotted in to the bar.

“Excuse me love can I get past you” I said trying to get past this guy

And there he was, I was saying excuse me to my ex husband dressed as a fucking swan and sober as a judge!

But do these things really matter?

No, of course they don’t especially if you’re the one doing the breaking up, and really I looked fabulous even though I was a swan!!

He looked at me with disgust, after all I’d broken his heart and I was under the same roof as him! Can you really escape your ex in such a small city? The answer is yes as I’ve made it my mission to distance myself from him, his friends, my friends he befriended and start my new life with some amazing new people.

It can be cutting to see the one you once loved out with his friends or for that matter with his new girlfriend…………the one he choose ever so carefully in my “acquaintance” circle. But for me, not one pang, not one at all! Because I moved on and cut him out the second I closed the door!

Now for those who got dumped, it does get easier! Time really is a healer! You will soon start to realise he looks more unattractive every time you bump into him, he’s acting a dick in front of his friends to secretly get your attention (stating he’s clearly not over you) and you’ll wonder what you were doing with him in the first place. The best one I think is when he’s down graded…….now this does make you feel so much better because really he can’t do better than you!!!

Never run and hide, never make your friends make you leave a bar because they spotted him with someone else, he’s an ex for a reason, keep your head high, stay strong, and don’t look at him, as he doesn’t deserve your attention!

We all have ex’s, so embrace the now, the future and don’t look back…….the reflection in the rear view mirror is not one we wish to hold on to!!!

xx